Easier Said Than Done

Letting go. It's so much easier said than done. I think this is especially hard for most women when there is rejection involved. I think that we have probably all been there at some point in our lives. I know that I have and it can be pretty hurtful. For most of the years that I have dated, I have been the one to break things off with men. I have been the one to decide that I was no longer happy. I never really dealt with a lot of rejection within serious relationships. Don't take that the wrong way. I definitely went on first dates that never turned into second dates, because the guy didn't want one. I definitely wanted to go on a date with someone who didn't want to date me. I have been given a phone number to never have the guy answer or return my call. I have been rejected. Just never to the point where it hurt my heart enough to let it linger.

Some of you long-time followers might remember THIS story told by yours truly. Back then, I was still hurting. I was having a hard time letting go. Mostly, because it was the first time I had truly dealt with rejection and also, because this boy had found himself another lady friend. That's what hurt most. Seeing their picture together on FB as his profile picture. Reading FB status' about he and this girl. Seeing for the first time where he told her on FB that he loved her. These were things that in the time we were together, he never did with me. That can sting a little bit. It stung me to the point that I had to delete him as a FB friend and from my life. I still got a couple of messages from him saying that he was sad that we were no longer friends, but I have always ignored them.

I am happy with how things turned out for me now. At the time, I was hurting and for a while I had a hard time letting it go. I would often wonder what was so different about this new girl that I didn't have. Or why is she good enough and I am not? Now? She can have his sorry ass. Better her to put up with the crap than me. It makes me think, though...am I THAT girl now? The one that is now with the boy and someone else is hurting the way that I was? Are they dealing with that rejection that I had to deal with? In getting back together with the boy, it was never my intentions to hurt anyone. Actually, I waited for a long time, because I was afraid to hurt someone else's feelings. Sometimes, when you know what's right for you, a chance has to be taken. You have to take that leap of faith and hope that things turn out for the best.

I have not longed to be with "suit boy" for over a year now, but I have been trying to compartmentalize the rejection that I faced. I am finally at peace in the fact that I am not with "suit boy" anymore. It has taken me realizing that I might be "that girl" for someone else and that I never did it intentionally or just to be vicious and hurt someone else. I'm sure that the new girl in "suit boy's" life didn't either. You can't hate on someone for wanting to make themselves happy. I fully appreciate Matt and all that we have in our relationship at this point. Nothing in the world could make me regret that decision. Not being talked about, not being stared down, not hearing people's reservations about it....NOTHING. I am happy with my life.

"Watching you walk out of my life does not make me bitter or cynical about love. But rather makes me realize that if I wanted so much to be with the wrong person, how beautiful it will be when the right one comes along."