He liked it, so he put a ring on it

If you are still reading and following, bless you. Bless you for being so loyal to someone who talks a big talk about blogging more and then you don't hear from them for another 2 months. I have good intentions, possibly, just no follow through. I could give you a million excuses, but I'll save you the time.

The past month or so has been a happy one for me. There are several reasons. It has also been a difficult one for me. Coming into the Christmas Season, I am trying to keep my mind focused on what is important and on the good things happening in my life.

Let's start with the good awesome news that I have to share! Most of you have read about mine and Matt's story. If you haven't, you can check it out here. So, now that you know the first part of our story, let's talk about the next part. At the end of that post, I mentioned taking things slowly. We did just that. Unfortunately, there have been some very rough patches over the past year. There are several people out there that do not want us to be together and have tried to make my life a living hell. Well done, ladies. It was. But, I knew that Matt and I were meant to be together and I loved him enough to let things go. It has been a hard road to where we are now, but every obstacle has been way worth it. What goes around, comes around, as Justin Timberlake would say.

The past year, Matt and I have had some great times and some really hard times. I have been a very happy girl to be with him again. The really hard times have brought us so much closer. In July, we found out that Matt's Mom had cancer. Less than a week later, she had passed away. There are some conversations that she and I had during that time that I will cherish forever. They are some that I wish to keep to myself. I haven't told my closest friends and I haven't shared them with Matt. I will tell you that before she and I had these conversations, there were some doubts in my mind that I was well-liked and that she was glad that we were back together. After these conversations, I know that she loved me and that while Matt and I were apart, she hoped that we would get back together. I made promises to her that I intend to keep forever.

The past year might have had some really tough times, but we have also had a lot of fun together and have gotten to know each other all over again.

I tell you all of this...to tell you the awesome news. Matt made me the happiest I have ever been by getting down on one knee and asking me to be with him forever! November 5th will forever be one of the happiest days of my life. I keep staring at my PERFECT engagement ring and I get butterflies when I think about it all. We had talked about marriage, so I knew that it would happen eventually, but had no idea when, where or how he would do it.

So, the story, huh?
When we first started dating years ago, Matt took me to Nashville for my birthday. We stayed at the Opryland Hotel and rode a shuttle downtown. By the time we were on the shuttle, we had already had a few drinks and were being silly. The shuttle driver was a very large black southern man who talked the entire time on the intercom. He dropped us off downtown by Hard Rock and the river. There's a huge guitar out front and he kept calling it the "gitahhhh". We cracked up about it and still to this day laugh about the way that man said guitar. While we were broken up and one of us would be in Nashville, we would text each other about the big gitahhhhhhh.

Flashforward to real time. We had tickets to a Titans game on a Sunday and decided to go down on Saturday to go out to dinner and hang out on Broadway. We went downtown and tried to eat at The Melting Pot. It's pretty typical of us to not plan ahead very well, and we didn't realize that we would need reservations. We got there at about 5:30 (for the old timer's special, I guess) and they told us that the next available time they had was 9:30. No way could I wait that long. Fatty's gotta eat! So we decided to eat somewhere else instead. When we left The Melting Pot, Matt made the suggestion to go to the Beer Sellar to get a drink and decide where we wanted to eat. I reluctantly said yes...remember, I was hoooongry. We had a drink and when we left, he wanted to go walk towards the river to see about a concert that was going on down there. I was starting to get a little huffy at this point. I keep talking about food and when and where we were eating. He gave in and we went to eat at Wildhorse. After eating, I was happy again...and we went to walk to the bars downtown. Matt suggested we go down by the river towards that dang concert again, so we walked down there and stood by the big gitahhhhh and watched for a while. He started talking about that trip that we had taken all those years ago. I replied with, "I know. I can't look at that big stupid thing without thinking about you." He then got down on one knee and asked me to marry him. It's all a little blurry once I realized what he was doing. I know that he used my full name, I know that I said yes, and I know that instead of putting the ring on my ring finger, I tried to put it on my middle finger.

After he proposed, we spent some time just the two of us, giggling and smiling and kissing. Then the phone calls and texts began. And continued for days. We went down on Broadway and two of his friends came downtown to meet us out. What a fun, perfect weekend!

Don't worry. This time I do promise to keep you posted on the wedding planning. Starting THIS week!

Movin' Mountains

This past week was our fall break, if you didn't catch the excitement from my previous post. I was a happy girl. Sleeping in was the name of my game on Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday. Monday night, I had a test in my grad class (insert moan). But, I got an "A", so all that studying I did that day was worth it. The girls and I met for a much needed drink after that. Drinks on a Monday, you say?? It's Fall Break, y'all!!

On Wednesday afternoon, Matt came by, picked me up and we mosied our way down south and east to Gatlinburg, TN. I have only been one other time and it was in middle school for a dance team competition. When I would tell anyone that I was going, all I would hear about was food! Let me just say, this fatty was pretty excited. 

On the way down, we got stuck in traffic for about an hour. It was so frustrating. I was ready to get there and see all these restaurants that I'd heard so much about! You know how normally when you pass a wreck, you think to yourself, "If everyone would stop rubberneckin' and just go, we wouldn't have sat in all that traffic!!" Well, we couldn't HELP but rubberneck at this wreck. Just take a gander. 

That's some seriousness right there. A little ways ahead of that, there was a tour bus that hit the back of a car and then someone else was pulled over by a policeman. NO WONDER we sat in traffic so long! Still super frustrating, though. 

Once we made it to G-burg, we went to the condo to meet his Dad and Stepmom and then to dinner at a BBQ place. It was pretty great! Later that evening, his Stepbrother, Adam and girlfriend, Jenn arrived. Also, his Stepsister, Whitney, her husband, David and their 4 kids arrived. We all stayed in the same condo together. It sounds like it could get crowded, but it really wasn't. We had 3 bedrooms and a pull-out couch. 

My favorite place that we ate at was the Apple Barn! They give you SO much food and for a reasonable price. For an appetizer, they bring you apple fritters. Ohme. I ate 4 1/2 before my real food started coming. They also bring you a salad and soup (vegetable). Then the main course. I chose to get the chicken sampler. It came with chicken n dumplins, chicken pot pie, and 2 pieces of fried chicken. I got soup beans and macaroni and cheese as my sides. Then they bring you desert! All of this for $15. Seriously. I had to waddle out of that place. My belly sure was happy, though! 

Matt & I drove up into the mountains one day. It was just the two of us and we had so much fun! We saw 3 bears and a variety of other animals. 

This looks like the scenery from where I am from. It makes me so homesick! 

Turkeys!

Matty & I

There's a bear up there, if you look closely!

We also went to the aquarium with his whole family. It was a lot of fun! I loved watching the kids have a good time, but I also love going to aquariums (nerd alert).

Spotted Jellyfish

Caleb and Papaw (Matt's Nephew & Dad)

Love the seahorses!

These bad boys were my favorite. Shark Week is one of my favorite weeks of the year!

Sawfish

Petting the horseshoe crabs

Little Dave

Jacob

I loved the penguins! We watched them for a loooooong time! 

It was a good vacation. I enjoyed getting to relax and eat (a lot). I also enjoyed getting to hang out with Matt's family. I don't know his step sister that well, so it was good to get to know her, David and their kids a little better.

Where should I go on my next vacation?!

Easier Said Than Done

Letting go. It's so much easier said than done. I think this is especially hard for most women when there is rejection involved. I think that we have probably all been there at some point in our lives. I know that I have and it can be pretty hurtful. For most of the years that I have dated, I have been the one to break things off with men. I have been the one to decide that I was no longer happy. I never really dealt with a lot of rejection within serious relationships. Don't take that the wrong way. I definitely went on first dates that never turned into second dates, because the guy didn't want one. I definitely wanted to go on a date with someone who didn't want to date me. I have been given a phone number to never have the guy answer or return my call. I have been rejected. Just never to the point where it hurt my heart enough to let it linger.

Some of you long-time followers might remember THIS story told by yours truly. Back then, I was still hurting. I was having a hard time letting go. Mostly, because it was the first time I had truly dealt with rejection and also, because this boy had found himself another lady friend. That's what hurt most. Seeing their picture together on FB as his profile picture. Reading FB status' about he and this girl. Seeing for the first time where he told her on FB that he loved her. These were things that in the time we were together, he never did with me. That can sting a little bit. It stung me to the point that I had to delete him as a FB friend and from my life. I still got a couple of messages from him saying that he was sad that we were no longer friends, but I have always ignored them.

I am happy with how things turned out for me now. At the time, I was hurting and for a while I had a hard time letting it go. I would often wonder what was so different about this new girl that I didn't have. Or why is she good enough and I am not? Now? She can have his sorry ass. Better her to put up with the crap than me. It makes me think, though...am I THAT girl now? The one that is now with the boy and someone else is hurting the way that I was? Are they dealing with that rejection that I had to deal with? In getting back together with the boy, it was never my intentions to hurt anyone. Actually, I waited for a long time, because I was afraid to hurt someone else's feelings. Sometimes, when you know what's right for you, a chance has to be taken. You have to take that leap of faith and hope that things turn out for the best.

I have not longed to be with "suit boy" for over a year now, but I have been trying to compartmentalize the rejection that I faced. I am finally at peace in the fact that I am not with "suit boy" anymore. It has taken me realizing that I might be "that girl" for someone else and that I never did it intentionally or just to be vicious and hurt someone else. I'm sure that the new girl in "suit boy's" life didn't either. You can't hate on someone for wanting to make themselves happy. I fully appreciate Matt and all that we have in our relationship at this point. Nothing in the world could make me regret that decision. Not being talked about, not being stared down, not hearing people's reservations about it....NOTHING. I am happy with my life.

"Watching you walk out of my life does not make me bitter or cynical about love. But rather makes me realize that if I wanted so much to be with the wrong person, how beautiful it will be when the right one comes along."

To Infinity and Beyond!

My goodness! What a fun, exciting, busy weekend. I am worn out, fo reals...it will be a very long week, but it is worth being this exhausted! Friday when I got off work, I had to come home to let my brother into my apartment. His daughter had a cheer competition here in BG on Saturday and so he came to stay here. It was nice to get to visit with him if even for about 15 minutes. Just seeing him makes me feel like all is right in my little corner of the world. Do you have anyone in your life like that?

Matt got to my apartment and we packed up the car to head out. We stopped and picked up David so he could ride with us up to Paoli Peaks in Indiana. When we got there, we hung out around the cabin for a little while and then went tubing for a few hours. It was a lot of fun! I had never been before and we had a blast. It was hilarious watching grown boys act like they are 6 years old, giggling and laughing and screaming the whole way down the mountain! I didn't get a group picture and that makes me sad, but I captured some other moments.

I made my ear warmers...what do you think?

On Saturday, Matt and I got ready and headed to Louisville. We stopped on the way to visit with my cousin, Melody. It was great to get to see her for a few minutes. She is fostering a seeing eye dog. She got him when he was very little and she keeps him for a year. She teaches him commands and potty trains him. Then she will have to give him back, so that they can train him to become a seeing eye dog. His name is Baxter and he's just the cutest thing!!

We met up with Matt's step-brother, Adam and his girlfriend, Jenn for dinner and drinks. Then we went back to Adam's condo to get ready for the concert. I didn't take any pictures there. We were up pretty high in the arena and I was just enjoying it so much. Jerrod Neimann was just as good live as I had anticipated! LOVE LOVE LOVE! Darius Rucker and Brad Paisley were both amazing, as well. Great night! After the concert, we met up with our friend Clay, so that we could document him proposing to his girlfriend, Mitsy. It was neat to see and so sweet! I'm really happy for them.

I love that you can see Clay wiping away tears. That was one of the sweetest moments, I thought.

All in all, a really wonderful weekend away from BG. I can say, though...I can't wait for this coming weekend, so I can just sit on my behind and do NOTHING but school work all weekend! I need it. I hope that y'all had a great weekend, too! Anything exciting?

I'm alive...or back from the dead...

What a past few days I have had! It's actually been sort of a whirlwind, I guess. Monday, Valentines Day was wonderful! I got to spend all day with my little Valentines. Getting all that candy and love from my students was just wonderful. That evening, Matt came over and I cooked dinner and we spent some quality time together. It was pretty perfect.

Tuesday morning between 3 and 4 sometime, I woke up so congested and my throat was huge! I was out of school Tuesday and today for having strep. UGH! Can't I just have a normal week at school with my students?! One without snow or a training or sickness?? I guess an upside to it, is that I got to sleep a lot and watch a lot of movies. I watched The Notebook for about the billionth time. It just never gets old for me.

I am glad that I am finally feeling better and will be going back to work tomorrow. I can only sit at home for so long. I have so much to look forward to starting tomorrow night! Matt and I are going to The Band Perry concert here in BG. We are actually going to be sitting in a box with some of his family. His cousin plays in a band that is getting to open for them. I'm super excited!! If you haven't heard much of The Band Perry, start by downloading "You Lie", "All Your Life", "Postcard from Paris", and "Walk Me Down the Middle". GREAT stuff!! My favorite lyrics from Walk Me Down the Middle is:

"I was meant to be by your side,

and I have waited here a long time.

For you to turn around and notice me,

but now you're here,

holding hands with me.

Walk me down the middle of the county fair,

walk me down the middle like you don't care,

walk me by the ferris wheel,

and make sure that she sees,

Let the whole world know that you belong to me."

OH I CAN'T WAIT!!! Then Friday after school, I am heading up to Indiana (Paoli Peaks) to do some tubing with a group of friends. Matt and I are going up after work to meet everyone at the cabin for dinner before tubing. I haven't ever been tubing, so I'm way anxious! Saturday everyone is going to go skiing. This was my original plan, until Matt asked if I wanted to go to see Brad Paisley. My man Brad wins over skiing. Fo reals. Plus, Darius Rucker and Jerrod Neimann are opening for him. I'm really, really happy about this. When I say I can't wait, I mean I reeeeeeeally can't wait! Matt's step-brother, Adam and his girlfriend are going to be going with us. I just adore Adam. He and I became pretty close while Matt and I were together the first time and have kept in touch somewhat throughout these past few years. Needless to say, this weekend is going to be legendary (to quote the great Barney Stinson). YIPPEE!! I'll give updates soon after.

Love is All Around

Linking up with http://teachinginheels.blogspot.com/. She's one of my favoritest blogger, if you haven't made it over there, yet, you sure should! :)

1. What is your favorite romantic comedy?  

It's really a toss up for me. I LOVE Gone with the Wind and I LOVE When Harry Met Sally. Both of those movies make me *sigh* each time that I watch.

2. What are your favorite flowers?

I really love peonies.

3. What is your favorite Valentine's Day treat to eat?

I love the conversation hearts. They take me back to my childhood days. I HATE getting boxes of chocolate. It stresses me out, because there are too many unknowns!!

4. Describe your best Valentine's Day.

The best Valentine's Day that I have had was the first one that Matt and I were together. We hadn't been together for very long at that point. He gave me a pair of pearl earrings that I cherish so much.

5. What has been the most romantic night of your life?

Honestly...I haven't had that much romance. I'm not a big sap...all the time. ;) I'll just say, one of the most romantic things that someone has done for me was when Matt planned a trip to St. Louis to go see The Black Crowes and Dave Matthews Band. We were in the Busch Stadium with the Gateway Arch in the background. It is such a special memory for me. 

6. What's your go to date night outfit?

Usually a nice pair of jeans, heels, and a black top. I really like to wear black when going out for some reason...maybe I should broadden my choices!

7. Where is your favorite place to go on a date?
To a concert or somewhere to listen to live music. I am SO looking forward to mine and Matt's date this Saturday. Darius Rucker, Jerrod Niemann, and Brad Paisley?! Don't mind if I do. I've gotten to see Darius and Brad before, but never Jerrod and I LOVE him! :) Not to mention the handsome man that I will be sharing the night with.

8. Store bought Valentine's or homemade?

I have never gotten a homemade Valentine from anyone other than students in my class. I have to say that it would definitely make me swoon!

9. What is your favorite love song?
I'm strange when it comes to my taste in music. It's fo reals all over the place. I will say...several years ago, Jason Mraz came out with the song, "Lucky" with Cobie Calliat. I love both of them and this song is just the sweetest thing ever!

  

10. If you had to pick a date for Valentine's who would it be?

Matt is my Valentine again this year and I couldn't be happier. There's noone else that I would rather be with tonight.

I wish all of you a wonderful Valentines Day with your loved ones. I, myself cannot wait for tonight with Matty. I haven't seen him since Friday night when he played...and then we just got to make googly eyes at each other from across the room and only really spend time together during their short breaks. Goodness...Can I just tell you, I want this feeling to last FOREVER. 

Ramblings

I was so excited to have my cousin, Nanci and her husband, Walter come visit me this weekend! They came on Friday and decided to stay last night as well. Friday night, we went to dinner and then to watch Easy Street play. Erica came with us and I was so excited to have her join! Saturday, we were so lazy all day and I loved every minute. We watched UK play and sadly, they lost. We went out and rented 3 movies and stocked up on junk food. A Saturday night at home was one of the best nights I have had in a looooong time!

Since we have had all of these snow days, I have been doing quite a bit of homework. I have spent HOURS working on homework this week and I am not finished with what is due on Monday and Tuesday. I don't want to feel guilty about my fun weekend, but I'm afraid that it might bite me today with all the catching up I have to do. I feel like I am drowning already this semester and it's only week 2. I am taking 2 graduate courses on top of teaching (well...when it's not snowing). Seriously, if it weren't for these snow days this week, I'm not sure I would have any sanity left or have gotten any sleep at all. There are 12 more weeks of this. Y'all pray for me!

Tomorrow is Valentines Day. We have our party at school and it's going to KILL me!! This is my least favorite of the parties. The kids all bring Valentines and we have to organize how to get them passed out. I don't have a whole lot planned this year, because we were out pretty much all last week because of snow. The better news is that I have a Valentine to celebrate with this year! I can't tell you how happy I am...even though we aren't doing much. I am going to cook dinner...maybe get a bottle of wine and a movie. I will not make him suffer through the Bachelor. I'll just have to DVR it and catch up later. I have some ideas for what to cook, but any other suggestions would be welcomed! I hope that you have a great Valentines Day tomorrow, whether it be with a guy you love or some good girlfriends or even a furbaby. I hope that it is filled with love.

Be a Miracle to Me

So, I've been saying for a while that I will write to tell you all about mine and Matt's story.

Let's start with how we met back in the early part of 2006. I had made some friends my sophomore year of college and instantly bonded with a guy named Andrew. He and I became really close friends. We did a lot together...concerts, lunch, dinner, movies...all as only friends. He and David, another one of our friends liked to play music and they would call me at night {on my dorm phone}, put their phone down and play Garth Brooks songs for me. Those are some of my fondest memories from college. They started a band called Durty Walrus and Matt happened to be the bass player. The picture below really, really makes me laugh, but I have to show you. Sammi and I used to go out on Thursday nights to watch them play...that's when you could go out for $5.00 all you can drink. That was our spot through college!

I got to watch them pretty often, because, let's face it. It was college and we went out. a. lot. That's not the only connection that I had with Matt, though. Insert, Lo. Just because we are thinking of old times here, I had to use an old pic.

So, Lo and I were and still are very close friends. She is a friend that will always be near and dear to my heart. At the time, she was working at Applebees. Guess who else was working at Applebees?! That's right...Matt! While I was engaged, Lo kept telling me, "There's this guy at work, Matt and you need to be with him." I didn't listen to her, of course. Nothing EVER happened between Matt and I while I was engaged. Let's set that straight. All of this happened within a couple of weeks time span. I was very unhappy in my engagement and my family and friends hated disliked my fiance. I did something that was difficult, and I decided to end my engagement. We hadn't been engaged for very long and had been together for a total of less than a year. Yes. I could write a whole other blog about that situation....but I won't.

After my engagement was broken off, I continued to go out with the girls. Wednesday nights to a place called Betty's and then Thursday, Friday and Saturday nights downtown. It was college. I can't do that noooooo mo'. I kept running into Matt, whether they were playing or not. He was going out all the time, too and Bowling Green is a rather small town.

The next little bit of our lives was a whirlwind. We started seeing each other and his band would travel to Owensboro to play, we went to concerts and sporting events together, I watched him play in his band at bars, we went to watch other bands play. It was honestly such a fun time in my life.

In the Fall of 2007, we rented a cute little yellow house and moved in together. Shortly after, we got a dog, Hurley together. Things just seemed all so perfect. Matt had so quickly became my very best friend in the world.

Like with all things good...there is bad. We had our share of fights, let me tell you. Nothing like Ronnie and Sammi on Jersey Shore and things never escalated to become out of hand, though. I really feel like our fights were normal relationship fights. They happen and you grow and learn from them. Relationships take a lot of work. Right before we moved in together, my roommate that I had for several years had decided that she was going to live with her boyfriend, Sammi, Lo, and the rest of my friends had moved away and I had started my teaching career. There was a lot of stress on me at once. I was always smiling on the outside and never showed anyone how much I was hurting inside. I was in a deep depression. I constantly cried and there were so many days that I didn't want to get out of bed. It had gotten to a point where I knew that I was being toxic to myself, Matt and our relationship. I had so many long talks on the phone with my Mom about it and she actually begged me not to break up with Matt. She knew that it was a good thing and that I wasn't going to break up with him because I didn't love him {By the way, she didn't do that with the engagement if that tells you something}.

In August of 2008, Matt and I were lying in bed one night going to sleep and I said, "Please don't propose to me any time soon." We had talked about marriage and I think that is what we both wanted at the time. He took me on a surprise weekend away a few months prior and I remember hoping with all my heart that he would propose to me. The statement that I had made shocked him. We talked only a little bit about it and then let it go for a while. About a week later, I broke up with him. It was the hardest decision of my life. At the time, it was completely what was right for me. It was never that I didn't love Matt. I had to finally be selfish, so that I could get better and get my life on track. The day that he packed up and left our house, I laid in the floor and cried for over two hours. The pain is still so unbearable and I cannot describe to you what it even felt like. I avoided the places that I knew he was playing at so that I didn't have to face him. I knew that I still loved him, but in order to heal myself, I couldn't see him.

As in any situation, time heals all. I can honestly say that my heart never completely healed from that day that I was laying in the floor crying, though. Even to this day, if I think about that too much, I can't hold back the tears. I tried moving on with my life. I dated other people, but never felt the way that I did with Matt. I never had as much fun with anyone as I did with Matt. I swear, that boy and I can have fun with a piece of string and talk about anything and everything! Throughout the past almost 3 years, there were so many times that I wanted to call him and tell him how much I still loved him and how much I missed him. I was ashamed to. I knew that I hurt him and I was scared of rejection. Several months ago, I was eating lunch with my friend Gina Marie and talking to her about Matt. I opened up and told her how much I missed him and that I would want to try things again, but I didn't know how. She, of course was all about it and told me to go for it! I just never could. I started getting this gut feeling that Matt was dating someone, so I texted her a few months after our talk to ask her, and she confirmed that. Even though I had dated other people, my heart hurt so bad knowing that I might have thrown away our relationship forever. Finally, I could not take it anymore and {with lots and lots of coaxing from Anthony}, I lamely wrote him an email telling him how much I missed him...I knew that if it came to doing it face to face, I would chicken out. He called me and said that he would like to come to my apartment to talk about it, but he never told me how he was feeling. We made plans and he got sick. We made plans another night and something came up. I was DYING. I just wanted to know...did he still care about me or not?! The night that he came over to talk and I was a nervous wreck. I kept telling myself that if he decided that he didn't want to be with me, that I probably deserved that. But, he walked in and kissed me right away. It was something that I had wanted to do for so long and something that I had waited for. He said that he wanted to try to see where things went and to take things slowly.

Let me just say. It has not been an easy road to where we are now. Matt was here last night for dinner and to watch some basketball with me. At one point he looked at me and said, "You are so incredible." It made my heart melt. I want to just look at him and scream, "I LOVE YOU, I LOVE YOU, I LOVE YOU!" Every time that I see him. But, then I remember that there's that whole taking things slowly stuff.

I am SO grateful for my second chance. I honestly can say that I love him more now than I did so many years ago. I get butterflies when I look into his eyes. People at school have asked my assistant, "What's up with Ashley? She seems so happy!" I said it once in another blog, but I have never loved anyone the way that I love Matt. It's so true. I want this to work this time so badly. If it doesn't, I know that I will be heartbroken and I will regret that decision that I made all those years ago. As of right now, there's not a whole lot of regret. I grew into such a better, stronger woman. I have experienced so much and so has Matt. I pray everyday that the past can stay in the past and that he and I can continue to look forward. He is my miracle.

{Commence Barfing}