My So Called Pinterest Life

This week was fall break and it couldn't have come at a more perfect time {all the teachers raised their margaritas hands in the air and shouted "amen!"}. This school year has been off to a great start. I have a good group of kids and I'm in the swing of things again...kinda balancing work, being a mommy and wife...kinda.

My friends and I went to Nashville for some shopping on Tuesday. When we first got to the mall, we went into Old Navy. We were all so ready to spend lots of money and it was such a flop! Nothing but a big joke. There wasn't one thing in that store that any of us couldn't live without. Feeling discouraged, we left and went to Chuy's for some hydration and snacks. If you should know anything about the 3 of us, it's that we love to eat. While shoving chips in our faces and drinking creamy jalepeno dip, we had some pretty good conversation. One of my favorite things about these 2 friends in particular is the conversation that we have. We talk about anything and everything.

We were talking about motherhood and how scary it is. One friend made the comment that it's scary and nobody talks about how scary it is. We are all too caught up in trying to live our pinterest lives. That really struck a chord with me. "Pinterest Lives"...I've become just as guilty of this. Maybe not as extreme as some, but I do only choose to share the high points of my life. Who should hear about any argument that Matt and I have? Who wants to hear about Lincoln vomiting or what his diapers consist of? Nobody. That's who. But am I guilty of making motherhood seem so easy and always fun? It's neither of those! It's so hard, because even now "keeping up with the Joneses" isn't good enough. The Joneses can't even keep up with Pinterest. It's gotten pretty out of hand if you ask me. As a new mom, it can make you feel inferior or like you aren't doing a good job as a mom.

Trust me when I say that this past year has been the hardest, most trying year of my life. It has been full of sleepless nights. At first, because baby has to eat or just doesn't know that it's freakin' 3 am...time to sleep, kid! But now, I have many sleepless nights, because I lie awake wondering if I am a good mom? Am I raising Lincoln to be a good kid? Is he going to be *that* annoying kid? Is he still breathing in there in his room? Is someone at daycare going to forget about his food allergies and feed him something that he shouldn't have? Do I still have any friends, because I don't have any time to call them or text as much anymore? Anxiety, anxiety, ANXIETY!!!

This past year has been full of arguments between Matt and I. When I say full of arguments, I mean that we have had about 4. That's 4 more serious arguments than we have pretty much ever had per year. He and I rarely disagree and when we do, we don't really feel the need to hash it out. I guess we are kinda hippies in that way. But this past year, the sleepless nights and stress have gotten to us and we have actually had some arguments. We've learned a lot about each other through them and we have definitely become a stronger couple. I don't like that part one bit, though. I am not made for arguing or fighting. Peace and love.

This past year has been full of doctors visits. Lincoln has had 8 ear infections. He has an egg allergy, dairy intolerance, and eczema. He projectile vomited everyday for 2 months. TWO MONTHS!! Do you hear me?! It was awful. After many, many doctor visits and being told that we were going to be given the "lazy answer" and that "he's sick because he goes to daycare", we were finally sent to an allergist. He diagnosed Lincoln as being dairy intolerant. Since we have cut out all dairy, he's SO much better. In the thick of it, though, there were days when I felt so ungrateful for my child. I was downright annoyed with my situation. Instead of being grateful for the beautiful little boy that I love so much, I was scrubbing our recliner daily and doing laundry several times a day while cussing under my breath and wondering, "Why me??" Someone I know posted a status on facebook that really put things in perspective for me. She and her husband had been trying to have a baby and were having trouble. Reading her status made me realize what an ungrateful brat I was being and gave me the punch in the face that I needed.

Regardless of the hardships that the past year has brought, it has also brought so much joy. I never knew that I could love someone as fiercely as I love Lincoln. It's truly a feeling like none other. I have laughed more than I probably ever had. I have been so proud of every accomplishment, big or small. I have had the pleasure of seeing Matt become the best daddy in the whole world. Seriously, he loves Lincoln so much and it's pretty evident that Lincoln loves him, too. Watching them play together makes my heart so happy. And hearing Lincoln giggle and yell "dada!" as they're chasing each other around is just amazing.

If you are a new mom or about to become a new mom, take it from me. You don't have to have that perfect pinterest life. Your child will not care that you didn't have that gender reveal. I didn't. They won't care that you didn't get professional photos made of them every 3 months of their life. Those stickers on a onesie? They won't care. All the monogrammed things and bows bigger than their heads? They won't care. So, when you get on facebook, instagram or pinterest and you start seeing all of those picture perfect lives, just remember that you are doing the best you can and that's good enough. It's taken me over a year to realize this and I'm glad that I finally have.

Being a Parent

I've seen so many posts going around FB and twitter and some of the internet sites that I read about being a parent. There are just 2 that I wish to share today and discuss.

The first one is about being less judgmental of other Mothers and loving more. Unfortunately, I feel like the most judgmental people that I have encountered since becoming a Mom has been those without children. "Walk a mile in my shoes."

http://herscoop.com/posts/empowering-photo-series/

Although I read some of these signs and disagree with them, it's because they are ways that I do not wish to raise Lincoln. I have my own ideas about what he needs and how it's best to raise him. That doesn't mean that it is wrong for another Mom to choose these methods. Judge less and love more. This could be said in all aspects of life.

The second post I want to share is about how hard it is to be a parent. There are a lot of unanswered phone calls and text messages. Even from the week that I had Lincoln. Yes, I still have not returned several phone calls or texts from the week of July 17th. You read that correctly. It doesn't make me a cold-hearted person or a bad friend. For a long time I didn't know up from down. There are still some days/weeks/months that are like this. It's pretty hard. Do I love being a Mom? Yes. Is it worth all of the difficulties? Absolutely. I wouldn't change anything. In no way am I complaining. There are people going through a lot worse. But that doesn't change the fact that it is so hard.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/jennifer-hamady/the-truth-about-being-a-parent_b_4251463.html

I have been pretty quiet about my life post baby. There's really only a couple of people that I have talked to about this, because they have made such an effort to be there for me and they understand my history. I have talked with my doctor about postpartum anxiety/depression. I have so many moments where Lincoln is all that matters in my world. That could be considered being a good Mom, but it can also be a slippery slope. I have to make an effort not to forget about Matt or my friends and family...not to mention myself. I love my doctor. It was like sitting down and talking with a good friend. She listened to all of my concerns and gave me her undivided attention. After she let me talk about how I was feeling, she gave me some advice. She also told me that she didn't think that I needed any medicine. I just needed to make more effort. Less effort with Lincoln and a lot more for myself and others. In no way was she telling me to neglect my child. Just that I need more balance in my life. My doctor even called back a couple of weeks later to check on me. She's a keeper.

I don't think that I am depressed. I think that I am anxious. When Lincoln cries, it's difficult for me. It's difficult for me to leave him and it's not getting any easier. Matt and I have only had one date since having Lincoln. I think I am finally to the point where I could fathom the thought of leaving him with someone to go on a date. Yes, he goes to a babysitter everyday. This is because I HAVE to. When it comes to having the option on the weekends, I just want to spend all my time with him.

Listen to me, please. I didn't know this before. No one told me and I was too selfish to ask. When your friend has a baby, be there for them. Be willing to talk to them. Ask them the hard questions and then listen to what they have to say. Not everyone has a difficult time, but some do. Please don't think that they have changed and that they don't care about you anymore. Yes, it takes effort from both parties in a friendship, but it's also important to take a step back and look at the whole picture. Your friend just went through a life changing experience. One that consumes their every thought at every moment of every day. They didn't buy a dog or a new car. They are now responsible for another human being. A human that was part of them long before they actually gave birth to them. One that they love more than anyone else on this Earth...including you.

More people need to be honest about what it's like to be a parent.