My So Called Pinterest Life

This week was fall break and it couldn't have come at a more perfect time {all the teachers raised their margaritas hands in the air and shouted "amen!"}. This school year has been off to a great start. I have a good group of kids and I'm in the swing of things again...kinda balancing work, being a mommy and wife...kinda.

My friends and I went to Nashville for some shopping on Tuesday. When we first got to the mall, we went into Old Navy. We were all so ready to spend lots of money and it was such a flop! Nothing but a big joke. There wasn't one thing in that store that any of us couldn't live without. Feeling discouraged, we left and went to Chuy's for some hydration and snacks. If you should know anything about the 3 of us, it's that we love to eat. While shoving chips in our faces and drinking creamy jalepeno dip, we had some pretty good conversation. One of my favorite things about these 2 friends in particular is the conversation that we have. We talk about anything and everything.

We were talking about motherhood and how scary it is. One friend made the comment that it's scary and nobody talks about how scary it is. We are all too caught up in trying to live our pinterest lives. That really struck a chord with me. "Pinterest Lives"...I've become just as guilty of this. Maybe not as extreme as some, but I do only choose to share the high points of my life. Who should hear about any argument that Matt and I have? Who wants to hear about Lincoln vomiting or what his diapers consist of? Nobody. That's who. But am I guilty of making motherhood seem so easy and always fun? It's neither of those! It's so hard, because even now "keeping up with the Joneses" isn't good enough. The Joneses can't even keep up with Pinterest. It's gotten pretty out of hand if you ask me. As a new mom, it can make you feel inferior or like you aren't doing a good job as a mom.

Trust me when I say that this past year has been the hardest, most trying year of my life. It has been full of sleepless nights. At first, because baby has to eat or just doesn't know that it's freakin' 3 am...time to sleep, kid! But now, I have many sleepless nights, because I lie awake wondering if I am a good mom? Am I raising Lincoln to be a good kid? Is he going to be *that* annoying kid? Is he still breathing in there in his room? Is someone at daycare going to forget about his food allergies and feed him something that he shouldn't have? Do I still have any friends, because I don't have any time to call them or text as much anymore? Anxiety, anxiety, ANXIETY!!!

This past year has been full of arguments between Matt and I. When I say full of arguments, I mean that we have had about 4. That's 4 more serious arguments than we have pretty much ever had per year. He and I rarely disagree and when we do, we don't really feel the need to hash it out. I guess we are kinda hippies in that way. But this past year, the sleepless nights and stress have gotten to us and we have actually had some arguments. We've learned a lot about each other through them and we have definitely become a stronger couple. I don't like that part one bit, though. I am not made for arguing or fighting. Peace and love.

This past year has been full of doctors visits. Lincoln has had 8 ear infections. He has an egg allergy, dairy intolerance, and eczema. He projectile vomited everyday for 2 months. TWO MONTHS!! Do you hear me?! It was awful. After many, many doctor visits and being told that we were going to be given the "lazy answer" and that "he's sick because he goes to daycare", we were finally sent to an allergist. He diagnosed Lincoln as being dairy intolerant. Since we have cut out all dairy, he's SO much better. In the thick of it, though, there were days when I felt so ungrateful for my child. I was downright annoyed with my situation. Instead of being grateful for the beautiful little boy that I love so much, I was scrubbing our recliner daily and doing laundry several times a day while cussing under my breath and wondering, "Why me??" Someone I know posted a status on facebook that really put things in perspective for me. She and her husband had been trying to have a baby and were having trouble. Reading her status made me realize what an ungrateful brat I was being and gave me the punch in the face that I needed.

Regardless of the hardships that the past year has brought, it has also brought so much joy. I never knew that I could love someone as fiercely as I love Lincoln. It's truly a feeling like none other. I have laughed more than I probably ever had. I have been so proud of every accomplishment, big or small. I have had the pleasure of seeing Matt become the best daddy in the whole world. Seriously, he loves Lincoln so much and it's pretty evident that Lincoln loves him, too. Watching them play together makes my heart so happy. And hearing Lincoln giggle and yell "dada!" as they're chasing each other around is just amazing.

If you are a new mom or about to become a new mom, take it from me. You don't have to have that perfect pinterest life. Your child will not care that you didn't have that gender reveal. I didn't. They won't care that you didn't get professional photos made of them every 3 months of their life. Those stickers on a onesie? They won't care. All the monogrammed things and bows bigger than their heads? They won't care. So, when you get on facebook, instagram or pinterest and you start seeing all of those picture perfect lives, just remember that you are doing the best you can and that's good enough. It's taken me over a year to realize this and I'm glad that I finally have.

Being a Parent

I've seen so many posts going around FB and twitter and some of the internet sites that I read about being a parent. There are just 2 that I wish to share today and discuss.

The first one is about being less judgmental of other Mothers and loving more. Unfortunately, I feel like the most judgmental people that I have encountered since becoming a Mom has been those without children. "Walk a mile in my shoes."

http://herscoop.com/posts/empowering-photo-series/

Although I read some of these signs and disagree with them, it's because they are ways that I do not wish to raise Lincoln. I have my own ideas about what he needs and how it's best to raise him. That doesn't mean that it is wrong for another Mom to choose these methods. Judge less and love more. This could be said in all aspects of life.

The second post I want to share is about how hard it is to be a parent. There are a lot of unanswered phone calls and text messages. Even from the week that I had Lincoln. Yes, I still have not returned several phone calls or texts from the week of July 17th. You read that correctly. It doesn't make me a cold-hearted person or a bad friend. For a long time I didn't know up from down. There are still some days/weeks/months that are like this. It's pretty hard. Do I love being a Mom? Yes. Is it worth all of the difficulties? Absolutely. I wouldn't change anything. In no way am I complaining. There are people going through a lot worse. But that doesn't change the fact that it is so hard.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/jennifer-hamady/the-truth-about-being-a-parent_b_4251463.html

I have been pretty quiet about my life post baby. There's really only a couple of people that I have talked to about this, because they have made such an effort to be there for me and they understand my history. I have talked with my doctor about postpartum anxiety/depression. I have so many moments where Lincoln is all that matters in my world. That could be considered being a good Mom, but it can also be a slippery slope. I have to make an effort not to forget about Matt or my friends and family...not to mention myself. I love my doctor. It was like sitting down and talking with a good friend. She listened to all of my concerns and gave me her undivided attention. After she let me talk about how I was feeling, she gave me some advice. She also told me that she didn't think that I needed any medicine. I just needed to make more effort. Less effort with Lincoln and a lot more for myself and others. In no way was she telling me to neglect my child. Just that I need more balance in my life. My doctor even called back a couple of weeks later to check on me. She's a keeper.

I don't think that I am depressed. I think that I am anxious. When Lincoln cries, it's difficult for me. It's difficult for me to leave him and it's not getting any easier. Matt and I have only had one date since having Lincoln. I think I am finally to the point where I could fathom the thought of leaving him with someone to go on a date. Yes, he goes to a babysitter everyday. This is because I HAVE to. When it comes to having the option on the weekends, I just want to spend all my time with him.

Listen to me, please. I didn't know this before. No one told me and I was too selfish to ask. When your friend has a baby, be there for them. Be willing to talk to them. Ask them the hard questions and then listen to what they have to say. Not everyone has a difficult time, but some do. Please don't think that they have changed and that they don't care about you anymore. Yes, it takes effort from both parties in a friendship, but it's also important to take a step back and look at the whole picture. Your friend just went through a life changing experience. One that consumes their every thought at every moment of every day. They didn't buy a dog or a new car. They are now responsible for another human being. A human that was part of them long before they actually gave birth to them. One that they love more than anyone else on this Earth...including you.

More people need to be honest about what it's like to be a parent.

Having a Baby Changes Everything

Before having Lincoln, everyone kept telling me how much having a baby would change my life. I knew that and expected that. If I wasn't okay with it, then I wouldn't have tried to have a baby. Don't get me wrong, I loved my life pre-Lincoln. It's not as if I had a baby, because my life was terrible. Matt and I were at a place in our lives and relationship, where we were okay with things changing. So, when you have a baby, what changes? Everything.

Conversations:
Having a baby changes what you talk about. Everyone wants to talk about the baby. They want to ask you questions about your baby. They want to know what the baby is eating. Is he sleeping through the night? Are you breast feeding or bottle feeding? Who is keeping him when you go back to work? It's all about the baby. I think that sometimes people forget that I am still a person of my own and that although I love my son, I want to talk about other things. Like cheesecake and shoes and the important things in your life.

Priorities:
Before having Lincoln, my priorities were my job, my relationship with Matt, what I would be watching on television that night, what my plans were for the weekend, traveling and when the next time was that I would get to see my friends or family that live far away. I could answer my phone whenever I got a call or a text message. I could pick up and drive a few hours to visit friends or family. Now my priorities are feeding Lincoln, playing with him, giving him a bath, getting him to bed, getting things ready for the next day, pumping so that he has milk for the following day...if I don't return your phone call or text message promptly enough or even at all, then please excuse me. My priorities have changed. If you want to talk about a tv show and I still haven't watched it a week and a half later, don't worry. It's on the DVR. I'll get to it eventually. My priorities have changed. I want to be a good mother, so they had to.

Body:
People keep telling me how great I look and how much weight I've lost. Thank you for that! I'm trying. I am still not back to my pre-pregnancy weight, but I'm almost there. But Lord help. My hips are wider. There are skirts and dresses that I will never be able to wear again. My hips expanded, so a baby could make his grand appearance. And my boobs? Because I'm breast feeding, you don't even want to know. They will never be the same. That pain in my lower back? I wonder if it's ever going to really go away. Having a baby really takes a toll on a woman's body. I just never really knew how much.

Friendships: This is the one that breaks my heart. It breaks my heart, because I have been on both sides of it and it is inevitable. When all of my friends started getting married and having kids and I was one of the only single ones, I pushed them away. I admit now that I was jealous. I wanted what they had. I wanted and thought that I deserved to be as happy as they were. But I wasn't happy at all. I was bitter and I pushed them away. I convinced myself that we didn't have anything in common anymore and that I didn't fit in with this group anymore. I convinced myself that we had drifted apart and that they didn't have time for me anymore. I really don't have many regrets in life, but this is my biggest one. I missed out on so many years of friendship, because I pushed them away. I made the choice not to be around while their kids were babies and I missed out on that. I was not a good friend and for that, I have been and will always be sorry. Luckily, I have forgiving friends who have welcomed me back into their lives and we have picked up where we left off. But, I still missed out and I know that I hurt them. Now that I am on the other side, I realize how hurtful this can really be. Since having Lincoln, I have had friends who have been really thoughtful and considerate. I have also had people that I wasn't that close to become great friends. I have also had people treat me differently and push me away, just like I did to my friends. I just hope they realize what they are doing before we miss out on years of friendship.

Marriage: There is WAY less time for Matt and I to spend together. We have had to learn how to balance having a baby with our marriage. We want to spend time with one another, but by the time Lincoln is fed, bathed and put to bed, we are both so exhausted. By that time, it's usually time for bed. And being intimate? So hard to find the time when Lincoln is good and asleep, we are "in the mood" and not exhausted.

Career: I still love my job. I love my students and I take my job seriously. Please understand that when I say, by the time the clock turns 3:30 and that last student is out of my classroom, I am on my way to go pick up Lincoln! I make myself work at turbo speed while at work, so that I don't have anything to do at home at night and can spend all my time with Lincoln.

But, do you know what having a baby does not change? ME. I am still me. I am the same person who cares about the same things and the same people. I am still not a morning person, I still hate doing laundry, I like to complain once in a while. I like to go to the mall and to dinner with my friends. I like to watch movies and television and my favorite holiday is Thanksgiving. I am still a tell-it-like-it-is person with a big heart. I still love my friends, family, and students. All of these things are still super important to me. While a lot has changed in my life, not THAT much has actually changed about me as a person. Please remember that.

Lincoln's Newborn Pictures

I never took the time to share with you Lincoln's newborn pictures! My friend, Laura from lmh photography took them (duh). She's pretty much the greatest. I am in love with so many of these! I never realized just how hard taking pictures of a newborn baby could be. Umm...SO hard. We managed to get some good ones of the little squirmy guy.

Laura, thank you SO much for helping capture the precious moments that my baby was just a couple of weeks old. I will cherish these forever!

Happy 2 Months, Lincoln Green!

This is a little overdue, considering that Lincoln will be 3 months old in just 14 days. I just have to share what the little dude has been doing, though! He's cray. First, he comes almost a month early. Then as soon as they place him on my chest for skin to skin bonding time, he raises his head and looked both ways. Not even kidding. Now at 2 months? Oh, ya know...just smiling, squealing with delight and rolling over. He's just in a hurry for everything! The past 2 months have been 2 of the best of my life. He definitely makes everyday exciting and interesting. If you read my last post, then you know that he also makes everything a little more difficult and exhausting. Some days all I want is a shower and to brush my teeth. Is that too much to ask? ;)

At Lincoln's 2 month check up he weighed 11 lbs, 12 oz. He was 23 inches long. He had his first cold and he had croup. We have also found out in the last month that Lincoln has eczema. 

Lincoln sleeps pretty well. He typically wakes up around midnight and then again around 5 am. That's so much better than midnight, 2 am and then 5 am. I can't wait for him to start sleeping a little longer than even that!

Right now, he still only eats milk. I am breastfeeding. That has been so hard. I'm not going to lie, I know exactly why women give up on it. Those first 3 weeks were so hard. It's time consuming, frustrating, you can't just eat/drink what you want...and my nipples? Well, you don't even wanna know. I stuck it out, though and I am glad I did. The benefits far outweigh the frustrations.

Lincoln has found his hands. He likes to suck on his fist and thumb. He started paying attention to the mirror on his swing (he likes to smile at himself) and the toys on his gym.

I go back to work in 10 days. TEN. So depressing. If Matt made enough money, don't think for a second that I wouldn't stay at home. No such luck. We could probably "get by", but girl likes her shopping sprees and vacations. *sigh*

Dear Lincoln,
Please slow down. You're growing up too fast already. I want to keep you a sweet baby forever.
Love, Your Mommy

Motherhood

Being a Mommy is not always easy. In fact, it is one of the most challenging experiences that I have ever had. Way worth it, though.

My point. Being a Mommy is not always:

A sweet sleeping baby

A baby that makes funny faces

Having time to do my hair and makeup

Sometimes being a Mommy is this:

 

Thankful Thursday

Today I am linking up with Julia to tell you what I am thankful for! This is one of my favorite link-ups!


1. Today I am thankful for this boy! Since July 17th, I have said many prayers to thank Him for a healthy, beautiful child. He makes me smile every single day and I cannot imagine my life without him. I love you, Lincoln!

2. I am thankful for maternity leave. I am off until October 14th!! I am so happy to have this time at home with Lincoln. I don't really ever want to go back. :(

3. I am thankful for coffee. I've needed it the past several weeks for sure! I am adjusting to lack of sleep, but the coffee definitely helps!

Link up and tell Julia what you are thankful for!

The Big Apple

You may remember this post HERE about turning 30. Honestly, 30 has been pretty great. Probably the best year of my life so far. Having a baby might have something to do with that, but I think that it's so much more than just that. The build up to turning 30 was way worse than actually being 30.
I have been so fortunate to have a great group of girlfriends. I am even more fortunate that I have had this group of girlfriends since 7th grade. We do not see each other all the time, but we have remained close and know that we can rely on one another no matter what.

BABIES!

 We have been there through good and bad, teen acne, breakups, proms, college, weddings, babies...and now turning 30. We spend every Christmas together. This is a tradition that started back in 8th grade! We draw names and exchange gifts. Back then we used to do this at Applebees. Since we graduated college and have our own homes, we do this as a potluck at one of our houses. It is something that I look forward to every single year.

Christmas 2012

What better way to celebrate this milestone than by taking a trip together? We decided on NYC. I was a little hesitant to commit to this trip, considering that I would be 7 months pregnant and all. I am SO glad that I decided to go. I cannot imagine missing this trip! The girls were so thoughtful the whole time asking, "Are you okay, do you need a break?" ;)

At the Nashville Airport

Pretty friends waiting to check in at the airport

In the cab in NYC

Going to Broadway

The girls threw me a baby shower in NYC!

Mindy and I

Rock of Ages

In the Subway

 So, funny story about the subway trip above. We are on our way to the 9/11 memorial. We had plans to go to breakfast and then to the memorial. Casey was our guide the whole trip. She has the most NYC experience and can navigate the subway system like a champ! So, we are on the subway and she and I are talking about where we are getting off. We both had a freakout moment that the train was not going to go where we originally thought it would. SO, we decided at the very last minute that we were going to get off at the stop where the train was at that very moment. As Casey is telling the girls, I just hop off the train. The doors close and I look in the window to see all of my friends' panicked faces (I will never forget their looks). All I can think to say is, "What do I do???" And then off goes the train with all of my friends on it. I am by myself. In NYC. In the Subway. Very pregnant. Glorious.
I look around and am all by myself. Not another soul down there with me and I have no cell service. I decided that I should go up to the street level. As soon as I walk out of the subway, I see the 9/11 memorial. I just start walking toward that thinking that it's the tallest building around here, surely my friends will be able to find it, too. They got off at the next stop and called me. After some navigating and (almost) tears, we find each other, go to breakfast and then to the memorial.

Emily is a HUGE fan of Live! With Kelly and Michael. I also love the show, but only really get to watch in the summer and when I have a break from school. She was able to get tickets to the show! It was amazing.

Watching the taping of the show was pretty awesome. Being on the front row didn't hurt too bad, either! When Kelly & Michael came out, we were the topic of the whole opening of the show. Our I <3 30 t-shirts worked! It might have also helped that we acted like dang fools.
Apparently, the show is not always live. They tape portions and splice them together for shows while they are on vacation. I guess I just never thought about it. Well, they asked for volunteers to play a game called Who Nose? My friend, Candice and I were chosen to compete against each other!! So fun. She was chosen for Kelly's team and I was chosen for Michael. For the game, we had to look at a close up picture of a celebrity's nose and guess who it was. I did not know ANY of them. Michael and I won, but I can assure you that it is because he told me all of the answers. :)

 NYC was one of the best times of my entire life. Memories were made that will last a lifetime. I cannot wait to see where we will go to celebrate our 40th birthdays!

Love you girls!