Having a Baby Changes Everything

Before having Lincoln, everyone kept telling me how much having a baby would change my life. I knew that and expected that. If I wasn't okay with it, then I wouldn't have tried to have a baby. Don't get me wrong, I loved my life pre-Lincoln. It's not as if I had a baby, because my life was terrible. Matt and I were at a place in our lives and relationship, where we were okay with things changing. So, when you have a baby, what changes? Everything.

Conversations:
Having a baby changes what you talk about. Everyone wants to talk about the baby. They want to ask you questions about your baby. They want to know what the baby is eating. Is he sleeping through the night? Are you breast feeding or bottle feeding? Who is keeping him when you go back to work? It's all about the baby. I think that sometimes people forget that I am still a person of my own and that although I love my son, I want to talk about other things. Like cheesecake and shoes and the important things in your life.

Priorities:
Before having Lincoln, my priorities were my job, my relationship with Matt, what I would be watching on television that night, what my plans were for the weekend, traveling and when the next time was that I would get to see my friends or family that live far away. I could answer my phone whenever I got a call or a text message. I could pick up and drive a few hours to visit friends or family. Now my priorities are feeding Lincoln, playing with him, giving him a bath, getting him to bed, getting things ready for the next day, pumping so that he has milk for the following day...if I don't return your phone call or text message promptly enough or even at all, then please excuse me. My priorities have changed. If you want to talk about a tv show and I still haven't watched it a week and a half later, don't worry. It's on the DVR. I'll get to it eventually. My priorities have changed. I want to be a good mother, so they had to.

Body:
People keep telling me how great I look and how much weight I've lost. Thank you for that! I'm trying. I am still not back to my pre-pregnancy weight, but I'm almost there. But Lord help. My hips are wider. There are skirts and dresses that I will never be able to wear again. My hips expanded, so a baby could make his grand appearance. And my boobs? Because I'm breast feeding, you don't even want to know. They will never be the same. That pain in my lower back? I wonder if it's ever going to really go away. Having a baby really takes a toll on a woman's body. I just never really knew how much.

Friendships: This is the one that breaks my heart. It breaks my heart, because I have been on both sides of it and it is inevitable. When all of my friends started getting married and having kids and I was one of the only single ones, I pushed them away. I admit now that I was jealous. I wanted what they had. I wanted and thought that I deserved to be as happy as they were. But I wasn't happy at all. I was bitter and I pushed them away. I convinced myself that we didn't have anything in common anymore and that I didn't fit in with this group anymore. I convinced myself that we had drifted apart and that they didn't have time for me anymore. I really don't have many regrets in life, but this is my biggest one. I missed out on so many years of friendship, because I pushed them away. I made the choice not to be around while their kids were babies and I missed out on that. I was not a good friend and for that, I have been and will always be sorry. Luckily, I have forgiving friends who have welcomed me back into their lives and we have picked up where we left off. But, I still missed out and I know that I hurt them. Now that I am on the other side, I realize how hurtful this can really be. Since having Lincoln, I have had friends who have been really thoughtful and considerate. I have also had people that I wasn't that close to become great friends. I have also had people treat me differently and push me away, just like I did to my friends. I just hope they realize what they are doing before we miss out on years of friendship.

Marriage: There is WAY less time for Matt and I to spend together. We have had to learn how to balance having a baby with our marriage. We want to spend time with one another, but by the time Lincoln is fed, bathed and put to bed, we are both so exhausted. By that time, it's usually time for bed. And being intimate? So hard to find the time when Lincoln is good and asleep, we are "in the mood" and not exhausted.

Career: I still love my job. I love my students and I take my job seriously. Please understand that when I say, by the time the clock turns 3:30 and that last student is out of my classroom, I am on my way to go pick up Lincoln! I make myself work at turbo speed while at work, so that I don't have anything to do at home at night and can spend all my time with Lincoln.

But, do you know what having a baby does not change? ME. I am still me. I am the same person who cares about the same things and the same people. I am still not a morning person, I still hate doing laundry, I like to complain once in a while. I like to go to the mall and to dinner with my friends. I like to watch movies and television and my favorite holiday is Thanksgiving. I am still a tell-it-like-it-is person with a big heart. I still love my friends, family, and students. All of these things are still super important to me. While a lot has changed in my life, not THAT much has actually changed about me as a person. Please remember that.